I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
