I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
