do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
