I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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