I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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