I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
