I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
