You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
