am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
