OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
