I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
