Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
