its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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