There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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