We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
