My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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