I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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