fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
