Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
