How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
