This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
