Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
