Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
