I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
