His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
