No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
