I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
