Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
