in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do herpes really smell.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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