he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
