My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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