i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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