fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
