I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
