I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
