can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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