All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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