just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
