guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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