I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
