***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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