so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
