Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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