one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
