u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently you make a good broom.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
