Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
