I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
