Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
