i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
