Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
